The Laws Of The Universe... abridged

Originally posted here.

  1. Murphy's Law:
    Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
    O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
    Murphy was an optimist.
    Note: Murphy's Law is recursive:
    Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
    Murphy's Law Of Programming:
    The sooner you start coding your program, the longer it takes.
    Murphy's Law Of Research:
    Enough research will tend to support your theory.

  2. The Unspeakable Law:
    As soon as you mention something
    ... if it is good it goes away,
    ... if it is bad it happens.

  3. Howe's Law:
    Every man has a scheme which will not work.

  4. Non-Reciprocal Law Of Expectations:
    Negative expectations yield negative results.
    Positive expectations yield negative results.

  5. Zymergy's Law Of Evolving System Dynamics:
    Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to get a bigger can.

  6. Etorre's Observation:
    The other queue moves faster.

  7. Skinner's Constant (Flannagan's Finagling Factor):
    That quantity which when added to, subtracted from, multiplied by or divided through gives the answer you should have got.

  8. Law Of Selective Gravity:
    Objects fall so as to do the most damage.

  9. Jenning's Corollary:
    The chance of bread falling butter side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

  10. Gordon's First Law:
    If a research project isn't worth doing at all, it's not worth doing well.

  11. Maier's Law:
    If the facts do not conform to the theory they must be disposed of.

  12. Hoare's Law Of Small Problems:
    Inside every small problem is a large problem trying to get out.

  13. The Golden Rule Of Arts And Sciences:
    Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

  14. Boren's First Law Of Tutorials:
    When in doubt mumble.

  15. Barth's Distinction:
    There are two types of people, those that divide people into two groups and those that don't.

  16. Segal's Law:
    A man with one watch may know what the time is, but a man with two watches is never sure.

  17. Ninety-nine Rule Of Project Schedules:
    The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, and the final 10% takes the other 90% of the time.

  18. Farber's Fourth Rule:
    Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

  19. Launegayer's Maxim:
    If at first you don't succeed - so much for sky-diving.

  20. Mahaffrey's Observation:
    There is no such thing as a large whiskey.

  21. Eugene's Theorem:
    Don't put off till tomorrow what you an do today
    - if you enjoy it today you can enjoy it again tomorrow.

  22. Simpson's Rule Of Pecuniary Advancement:
    Always borrow from a pessimist - he doesn't expect to get it back.

  23. Unwin's Learning Curve:
    Experience is what enables us to make a new mistake each time.

  24. Jone's Law:
    The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

  25. The Thinking Rule:
    A badly thought out project takes three times the expected time,
    a well thought out project only takes twice the expected time.

  26. Wood's Third Law:
    Every action has an equal and opposite ulterior motive.

  27. Newman's First Law:
    Every body will remain at rest until the boss gets mad.

  28. Anthony's Law Of Force:
    Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.

  29. Clint's Law
    A .44 magnum ALWAYS beats 4 aces.

  30. Micro Credo:
    Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.

  31. Pohl's Law:
    Nothing is so good that someone, somewhere won't hate it.

  32. Sattinger's Law:
    It works better when you plug it in.

  33. Anthony's Law Of The Workshop:
    Any tool when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
    Corollary:
    On the way to the corner any dropped tool will first hit your toes.

  34. Gray's Law Of Programming:
    'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as 'n' trivial tasks.
    Logg's Rebutal To Gray's Law:
    'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.

  35. Paul's Law:
    You can't fall off the floor.

  36. H.L. Mencken's Law:
    Those who can - do, those who can't - teach.
    Martin's Extension:
    Those who can't teach - administrate.

  37. The Brigg's Law Of Program Development:
    To determine how long it will take to write and debug a program take your best estimate, double it, add 1 and convert to the next highest units.

  38. Ehrmann's Commentary:
    1). - Things will get worse before they get better.
    2). - Who said things will get better.

  39. Bedfellow's Law:
    The one that snores always falls asleep first.

  40. Jacob's Law:
    To err is human, to blame it on someone else is even more human.

  41. Young's Law:
    All great discoveries are made by mistake.
    Corollary:
    The greater the research funding the longer it takes to make the mistake.

  42. Fletcher's Law of Crying Over Spilt Milk:
    The attractive force between any form and a fluid is proportional to the form and inversely proportional to the viscosity of the fluid.
    Corollary:
    A grunginess constant is also involved which includes the relative colours of the form and fluid, the proximity of the nearest sink, towels etc.