The Laws Of The Universe... abridged

Originally posted here.

  1. Murphy's Law:
    Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
    O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
    Murphy was an optimist.
    Note: Murphy's Law is recursive:
    Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
    Murphy's Law Of Programming:
    The sooner you start coding your program, the longer it takes.
    Murphy's Law Of Research:
    Enough research will tend to support your theory.

  2. The Unspeakable Law:
    As soon as you mention something
    ... if it is good it goes away,
    ... if it is bad it happens.

  3. Howe's Law:
    Every man has a scheme which will not work.

  4. Non-Reciprocal Law Of Expectations:
    Negative expectations yield negative results.
    Positive expectations yield negative results.

  5. Zymergy's Law Of Evolving System Dynamics:
    Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to get a bigger can.

  6. Etorre's Observation:
    The other queue moves faster.

  7. Skinner's Constant (Flannagan's Finagling Factor):
    That quantity which when added to, subtracted from, multiplied by or divided through gives the answer you should have got.

  8. Law Of Selective Gravity:
    Objects fall so as to do the most damage.

  9. Jenning's Corollary:
    The chance of bread falling butter side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

  10. Gordon's First Law:
    If a research project isn't worth doing at all, it's not worth doing well.

  11. Maier's Law:
    If the facts do not conform to the theory they must be disposed of.

  12. Hoare's Law Of Small Problems:
    Inside every small problem is a large problem trying to get out.

  13. The Golden Rule Of Arts And Sciences:
    Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

  14. Boren's First Law Of Tutorials:
    When in doubt mumble.

  15. Barth's Distinction:
    There are two types of people, those that divide people into two groups and those that don't.

  16. Segal's Law:
    A man with one watch may know what the time is, but a man with two watches is never sure.

  17. Ninety-nine Rule Of Project Schedules:
    The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, and the final 10% takes the other 90% of the time.

  18. Farber's Fourth Rule:
    Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

  19. Launegayer's Maxim:
    If at first you don't succeed - so much for sky-diving.

  20. Mahaffrey's Observation:
    There is no such thing as a large whiskey.

  21. Eugene's Theorem:
    Don't put off till tomorrow what you an do today
    - if you enjoy it today you can enjoy it again tomorrow.

  22. Simpson's Rule Of Pecuniary Advancement:
    Always borrow from a pessimist - he doesn't expect to get it back.

  23. Unwin's Learning Curve:
    Experience is what enables us to make a new mistake each time.

  24. Jone's Law:
    The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

  25. The Thinking Rule:
    A badly thought out project takes three times the expected time,
    a well thought out project only takes twice the expected time.

  26. Wood's Third Law:
    Every action has an equal and opposite ulterior motive.

  27. Newman's First Law:
    Every body will remain at rest until the boss gets mad.

  28. Anthony's Law Of Force:
    Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.

  29. Clint's Law
    A .44 magnum ALWAYS beats 4 aces.

  30. Micro Credo:
    Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.

  31. Pohl's Law:
    Nothing is so good that someone, somewhere won't hate it.

  32. Sattinger's Law:
    It works better when you plug it in.

  33. Anthony's Law Of The Workshop:
    Any tool when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
    On the way to the corner any dropped tool will first hit your toes.

  34. Gray's Law Of Programming:
    'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as 'n' trivial tasks.
    Logg's Rebutal To Gray's Law:
    'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.

  35. Paul's Law:
    You can't fall off the floor.

  36. H.L. Mencken's Law:
    Those who can - do, those who can't - teach.
    Martin's Extension:
    Those who can't teach - administrate.

  37. The Brigg's Law Of Program Development:
    To determine how long it will take to write and debug a program take your best estimate, double it, add 1 and convert to the next highest units.

  38. Ehrmann's Commentary:
    1). - Things will get worse before they get better.
    2). - Who said things will get better.

  39. Bedfellow's Law:
    The one that snores always falls asleep first.

  40. Jacob's Law:
    To err is human, to blame it on someone else is even more human.

  41. Young's Law:
    All great discoveries are made by mistake.
    The greater the research funding the longer it takes to make the mistake.

  42. Fletcher's Law of Crying Over Spilt Milk:
    The attractive force between any form and a fluid is proportional to the form and inversely proportional to the viscosity of the fluid.
    A grunginess constant is also involved which includes the relative colours of the form and fluid, the proximity of the nearest sink, towels etc.