The Laws Of The Universe... abridged

Originally posted here.

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1. Murphy's Law:
   Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
   O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
   Murphy was an optimist.
   Note: Murphy's Law is recursive:
   Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
   Murphy's Law Of Programming:
   The sooner you start coding your program, the longer it takes.
   Murphy's Law Of Research:
   Enough research will tend to support your theory.
   
   
2. The Unspeakable Law:
   As soon as you mention something
   ... if it is good it goes away,
   ... if it is bad it happens.
   
   
3. Howe's Law:
   Every man has a scheme which will not work.
   
   
4. Non-Reciprocal Law Of Expectations:
   Negative expectations yield negative results.
   Positive expectations yield negative results.
   
   
5. Zymergy's Law Of Evolving System Dynamics:
   Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to get a bigger can.
   
   
6. Etorre's Observation:
   The other queue moves faster.
   
   
7. Skinner's Constant (Flannagan's Finagling Factor):
   That quantity which when added to, subtracted from, multiplied by or divided through gives the answer you should have got.
   
   
8. Law Of Selective Gravity:
   Objects fall so as to do the most damage.
   
   
9. Jenning's Corollary:
   The chance of bread falling butter side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
   
   
10. Gordon's First Law:
    If a research project isn't worth doing at all, it's not worth doing well.
    
    
11. Maier's Law:
    If the facts do not conform to the theory they must be disposed of.
    
    
12. Hoare's Law Of Small Problems:
    Inside every small problem is a large problem trying to get out.
    
    
13. The Golden Rule Of Arts And Sciences:
    Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
    
    
14. Boren's First Law Of Tutorials:
    When in doubt mumble.
    
    
15. Barth's Distinction:
    There are two types of people, those that divide people into two groups and those that don't.
    
    
16. Segal's Law:
    A man with one watch may know what the time is, but a man with two watches is never sure.
    
    
17. Ninety-nine Rule Of Project Schedules:
    The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time, and the final 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
    
    
18. Farber's Fourth Rule:
    Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
    
    
19. Launegayer's Maxim:
    If at first you don't succeed - so much for sky-diving.
    
    
20. Mahaffrey's Observation:
    There is no such thing as a large whiskey.
    
    
21. Eugene's Theorem:
    Don't put off till tomorrow what you an do today
    - if you enjoy it today you can enjoy it again tomorrow.
    
    
22. Simpson's Rule Of Pecuniary Advancement:
    Always borrow from a pessimist - he doesn't expect to get it back.
    
    
23. Unwin's Learning Curve:
    Experience is what enables us to make a new mistake each time.
    
    
24. Jone's Law:
    The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
    
    
25. The Thinking Rule:
    A badly thought out project takes three times the expected time,
    a well thought out project only takes twice the expected time.
    
    
26. Wood's Third Law:
    Every action has an equal and opposite ulterior motive.
    
    
27. Newman's First Law:
    Every body will remain at rest until the boss gets mad.
    
    
28. Anthony's Law Of Force:
    Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
    
    
29. Clint's Law
    A .44 magnum ALWAYS beats 4 aces.
    
    
30. Micro Credo:
    Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
    
    
31. Pohl's Law:
    Nothing is so good that someone, somewhere won't hate it.
    
    
32. Sattinger's Law:
    It works better when you plug it in.
    
    
33. Anthony's Law Of The Workshop:
    Any tool when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
    Corollary:
    On the way to the corner any dropped tool will first hit your toes.
    
    
34. Gray's Law Of Programming:
    'n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as 'n' trivial tasks.
    Logg's Rebutal To Gray's Law:
    'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.
    
    
35. Paul's Law:
    You can't fall off the floor.
    
    
36. H.L. Mencken's Law:
    Those who can - do, those who can't - teach.
    Martin's Extension:
    Those who can't teach - administrate.
    
    
37. The Brigg's Law Of Program Development:
    To determine how long it will take to write and debug a program take your best estimate, double it, add 1 and convert to the next highest units.
    
    
38. Ehrmann's Commentary:
    1). - Things will get worse before they get better.
    2). - Who said things will get better.
    
    
39. Bedfellow's Law:
    The one that snores always falls asleep first.
    
    
40. Jacob's Law:
    To err is human, to blame it on someone else is even more human.
    
    
41. Young's Law:
    All great discoveries are made by mistake.
    Corollary:
    The greater the research funding the longer it takes to make the mistake.
    
    
42. Fletcher's Law of Crying Over Spilt Milk:
    The attractive force between any form and a fluid is proportional to the form and inversely proportional to the viscosity of the fluid.
    Corollary:
    A grunginess constant is also involved which includes the relative colours of the form and fluid, the proximity of the nearest sink, towels etc.